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August 30th, 2006

Volume 269

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Jessica Simpson is dating singer-songwriter John Mayer, PEOPLE has confirmed. "She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source tells PEOPLE. "It's the first stage. She's never been happier."

John Mayer - one warning for you. While Jessica's body may be a "wonderland" her brain is a garbage dump. Proceed with caution.



Lindsay Lohan has allegedly sent a number of sex toyswith funny handwritten notes, to her close pals, including supermodel Kate Moss. A source close to Lohan told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Lindsay has been making her female friends laugh by sending them sex toys as she wanted to cheer them up.

No wonder all these Hollywood chicks carry huge purses! All those compartments are perfect for batteries and such things.



Pink has hinted she wants to quit singing. She says she feels trapped by her career and can't wait to stop her gruelling schedule to be with her new husband Carey Hart. She said: "Carey and I have hardly seen each other since we got married. I just want to go home and chill out. I want to spend time in the garden, eat healthily, and detox from being on the road."

Why can't Carey quit his career to spend time with Pink? Now who's being a stupid girl?



Paris Hilton is refusing to work with any of the leading men picked for her new film. The film is called 'The Hottie and the Nottie'. A film insider told Australia's New Weekly magazine: "They must have tried out over a dozen guys but still not one of them has been cast. A few have made it to a screen test with Paris but either the producers aren't happy or, more often, Paris has a problem with them."

She's probably slept with them all already. They better start looking on remote islands in third world countries to find someone Paris hasn't already been with.


Michael Douglas says his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones is the perfect woman . He expalined, "As soon as I met Catherine I told her I wanted to have babies with her. Then when I discovered she loved golf, I realized all my fantasies had come true. I'm so impressed by her intelligence, sense of humour and work ethic."

I am sure her 36 C's had nothing to do with it.



Ashlee Simpson is rumoured to be about to make her stage debut in the hit musical 'Chicago'. Although, A spokesman for the musical said: "There is no confirmation of a role for Ashlee Simpson at this time."

She does know it's LIVE theatre right? Can't use the "acid reflux so I had to lip sync" excuse here.



Eva Longoria claims that her boyfriend Tony Parker can't keep his hands off her when she wanders around their home in the nude. She told OK! magazine: "If it's a really warm day I like to walk around the house naked. It sometimes drives him a little crazy, but I like to be provocative like that!" 

Really? We hadn't noticed. 



Justin Timberlake is desperate to reveal the intimate details about his relationship with ex-lover Britney Spears. He said: "If I was writing an article about her, I would not be able to fight the urge to write every little dirty thing about her." He also admitted that he still feels bitter towards his ex he explained, "I dated Britney half my life. But I don't know that person any more. I'm not sure I knew her before." 

Don't worry Justin. None of us know what happened to Britney. You ain't the only one shaking your head.


Brad Pitt's family are apparently outraged at Angelina's behavior at a recent birthday party helf for Maddox. Angelina is said to have barely acknowledged Brad's family and upset his mother, by having an open bar at the bash. Neither of Brad's parents drink and they didn't approve of Angelina drinking around her and Brad's children and the other youngsters at the party. A source told America's Star magazine: "They were the only ones not drinking and it was uncomfortable for them. To Brad's mom, drinking is unhealthy." 

So what if Angelina was drinking at a kid's party? It's not like the kids were drinking with her and then had them all sleep over! (Hint , hint Michael Jackson- YES it is wrong!)



Michael Jackson used to call his younger sister Janet "Fat Butt" when they were growing up. Janet admits Michael's taunts were probably the result of his own body "issues". She says: "I was made to feel like I was a fat kid by Michael. It really affected me, even as an adult." 

Well, Janet no longer has a fat butt. Who's laughing at who now?


Michael is now a fat ASS.

 

MAGAZINE SCANS....
Beyonce reaches out on the cover of FEMINA Magazine.

 

Angelina in a new ad for SHISHEIDO cosmetics which makes sense because she sure has the plush lips to sell the product!

 

Jennifer Aniston in an ad for NIKE which makes no sense because she probably hasn't run a day in her life. (Well except that time Brad wanted to conceive a child)

 

GOT MILK? I don't need milk. I need a kleenex to wipe the drool off my chin. David Beckham sizzles.



Christina Aguilera for ADVOCATE.



Promo for the third season of GREY'S ANATOMY. I can't wait. This show rocks!!!!!!!

 

Jessica Simpson gives us some sugar.

 

Kevin Federline in a magazine shoot for GQ. He's desperate to prove he has talent. Does smoking underwater count ??

 

OUT AND ABOUT...
As if this picture of Carmen Electra and Jenny McCarthy isn't enough to excite some males out there. The two were in attendance at a lesbian pole dancing party. Yep, you read that right the first time.

 

Brad and Angelina going to take some pilot lessons together. I wonder how many times they've been members of the "Mile High" club.

 

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen mumbling about something on Much Music.



Beyonce has a little bra bandage happening.



Nicole Richie is really falling for her new boyfriend. Literally.



Bruce Willis and his youngest daughter Tallulah hang out together.

 

Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz share a private joke.



Charlize Theron walks the dogs.



Donald Trump and his wife Melania looking as constipated as ever. Lighten up people. You are stinkin rich!

 

Fergie must be thinking "There's no place like home" - just look at her shoes!

 

Giselle Bundchen runs some errands.



Surfs up for Gwyneth Paltrow . Where's a tsunami when you need one?

 

Jamie Lynn Curtis goes for a walk.



Heidi Klum plays patty cake with her son Henry.



Janice Dickinson and her wonky boobs. Just goes to show you should never skimp on cosmetic surgery. Pay big bucks.

 

Jessica Simpson probably waving in the wrong direction. Duh.



Justin bringing sexy back with Ellen on her show.  He knows she's gay right?

 

Newlyweds Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson share a joke at a basketball game. Or maybe there is no joke....they are just high as kites. We'll know for sure when the concession guy comes by.

 

Madonna and her mini me daughter Lourdes in matching pilates/track/kaballah suits.



Vince Vaughn wandering the streets.

 

Tara Reid looks confused. Where's the vodka??

 

August 28th, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 268

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Jennifer Aniston is going to step behind the camera to work on a short film. The movie called 'Room 101' is being made for Glamour magazine's Reel Moments charity campaign. Aniston admits she is "thrilled" to be involved with the project, saying: "I'm really excited about this." 

She'll be good at this. Short films don't last too long nor do they require very much dedication or commitment. Just like her marriage. 



Victoria Beckham got drunk on a night out without her husband or her wedding ring. She was celebrating a friend's birthday  and had to be helped out of a club at 4.45am after having too much to drink. A witness said: "She looked tipsy to say the least." 

Then again it could of just been carb deprivation. I know when I don't eat bread I get all wobbly and disoriented.



Michael Douglas is fiercely protective of his three-year-old daughter Carys and insists he will give a hard time to anyone she takes home to meet him and his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones. Michael explained, "When my daughter Carys wants to get married I'll be as rough with the guy as Catherine's dad was when he checked me out."


The only reason Catherine's dad didn't punch Michael's lights out is because he has a lot of money. I think that's the only time it's ok to bring a man old enough to be your dad home to meet your dad. 



Brad Pitt is one of many stars lined up to appear at the Toronto International Film Festival next month. He will appear at the screening of "Babel" a multilingual film co-starring Cate Blanchett. 

He's coming here!! I'd stake out the streets and stalk him like a crazed fan but, I've seen the Lara Croft movies ....I don't want Angelina on my ass. Or wait a minute.....maybe I do.



Supermodel Cindy Crawford has admitted that at the age of 40, her beauty is not just thanks to good genes. She reportedly told Gala magazine: 'I'm not going to lie to myself: past a certain age, in order to restore elasticity, all I can really count on is vitamin injections, Botox and collagen.' 

Funny thing is, lately I have been thinking that Cindy suddenly is looking older. That's plastic surgery for ya! WTF does she need to be messing with her face for?? She's only 40! And 40 is the new 30 don't cha know?



Eva Longoria is learning French so she can talk dirty to her man. Eva is dating basketball player Tony Parker and she said, "Tony can say all these sexy things to me in French. That’s why I want to learn. For when we are in bed!” 

Eva only needs to learn three words. Mange ma chat.



Nelly says she has a high sex drive. She revealed, "My album is really sexually assertive. I am a woman and I love to have sex. I am definitely not encouraging promiscuity, but safe, happy and responsible lifestyles for all, I hope." 

WTF happened to Nelly? Two years ago she was like, "I do not use my body to sell records" And "I don't think you should have to use sex to sell your albums"
Now it's like she wants to hump anything that isn't nailed down.
In the words of her last album....."Woah Nelly!"



Christina Aguilera wants gay marriage to be legal all over the world. She explained, "I think it's really unfair that there has to be some kind of standard for marriage. Marriage should be about celebrating two people's love for each other. It shouldn't have anything to do with someone's sexual preference. 

I agree. Usually sexual preference is the reason for the divorce.



Victoria Beckham is getting her own show on American TV. Simon Fuller, the music mogul who launched the Spice Girls and Pop Idol will be producing the show. Simon told Broadcast magazine: "It won't be a TV show for the sake of a TV show. It will be a fashion proposition that will fit her fashion business. It will be more serious than a reality show but will still be entertaining because Victoria is so funny." 

Yeah, we'll see how funny Victoria is when she realizes the camera adds ten pounds!



Beyonce and Jay-Z are planning to have a wedding to put all others to shame. A source is quoted as saying," One tenth of the massive cost will be spent on $300,000 worth of Beluga caviar alone. The wedding guests will only drink Dom Perignon champagne. Oprah Winfrey is said to be among the stars on the guest list. The wedding will probably cost around $3 Million dollars.”

Do they know there are people in the world starving?



Angelina Jolie spent 30 minutes in a car outside a party after realizing her estranged father Jon Voight was in attendance. Angelina went with Brad to attend Brad Pitt’s co-star in Ocean’s 12 – Scott Caan’s 30th birthday. Once her father left the building, Angelina finally joined the bash. Voight and Jolie haven't spoken to each other since 2002.

Avoiding relatives huh? So it turns out Angelina is human after all!



Kevin Federline will be making his acting debut on "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," according to People magazine. As it turns out, Kevin is a huge fan of the show. In the episode (slated to air in October), Kevin will play a menacing, arrogant teen who harasses the show’s investigators on a job. 

Damn, I thought he'd be playing a corpse. Now that would be some good tv!

 


MAGAZINE SCANS
IN TOUCH Magazine claims that Nicole Richie is at her lowest weight ever yet she is still vehemently denying that she has a problem.



US WEEKLY reports that Kate Hudson  is torn between two lovers. Her grungy looking husband Chris Robinson and her sexy crooked nose co-star Owen Wilson. What's there to think about?? Apparently Jessica Simpson lost 8 pounds in two weeks. What did she do? Have a labotomy?

 

OK! Magazine says that Kate Hudson's running to Jennifer Aniston for help with her troubled marriage. Does Kate know that Jennifer's strengths are NOT in relationships???


 

A "Got Milk?" ad featuring David Beckham.

 

It's not bad enough she wears fur all the time. Beyonce is going to suffer some serious consequences for this new cd cover. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (P.E.T.A) are going to flip! And can you blame them?

 

Carmen Electra poses for VEGAS Magazine.

 

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas is the cover girl for MAX.

 

Kirsten Dunst in INTERVIEW.

 

Janet Jackson for FHM Magazine. On the cover she says "I have never worn so little"
How soon she forgets about the SUPERBOWL fiasco.


 

Cookie Monster is being re-vamped. Now he will be eating fruit and healthy snacks so that he can eat the odd cookie in moderation. This in the hopes of teaching children to eat properly. 
I thought that's what parents were for?

 


OUT AND ABOUT...
Another photo of a drunken Victoria Beckham. Click to enlarge.

 

Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend out and about. Her t-shirt reads, "My boyfriend is out of town"

 

Brangelina at that birthday party. It seems they have been to so many third world countries they think it is proper for the woman to walk 15 paces behind the man.

 

Ashlee Simpson in the cosmetics section. Good idea.



Ashton Kutcher running some errands.



You can take the girl out of the trailer park......But, you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. Britney looking like a prostitute at a rodeo.



Cameron Diaz has dyed her hair very dark. I like it!

 
Liz Hurley relaxes with her fiance.



Now that Fergie's gone solo do you think she's eating Black Eyed Peas??

 

Heidi Klum radiant, glowing and very very pregnant.



Shannon Doherty tries to hide from the press.



Jessica Simpson on a radio show probably wondering who FM is and when he's gonna make out with her.



Johnny Depp appeases his fans by signing autographs.



Heather Locklear looks all lady like from the front.

 

But her back view gives us a whole new perspective on things.



Mariah Carey performs with Jay-Z. I wonder what happened to her pants?

 

Juliette Lewis (Who once dated Brad Pitt) performs with her rock band. Don't the groupies usually wear the knee pads?

 

Madonna out with her assistant.



Mark Whalberg visits the set of MTV.

 

Nick Lachey steals a glance at girlfriend Vanessa Manillo's best asset.



Nicole RIchie slurps on a slushee. Hey, it's a start.

 

Paris Hilton promotes her new album in Tokyo with all her wannabe fans. Just as long as they don't become her entourage like those Harijuko girls Gwen Stefani had. Creepy really.

 

Victoria Beckham at the airport with her two eldest boys Romeo and Brooklyn. I hope she's sobered up here.



Rod Stewart and girlfriend Penny at a charity event.



Serena Williams and her big, bouncy.......curls. (Shame on you!)

 

Tom steps out with a medicated looking Katie. Who's Suri now?

 

August 24th, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 267

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Backstage at the Teen Choice Awards, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears had an awkward moment. According to Us Weekly, Jessica asked if she could kiss Britney's very pregnant belly. "Hell, no!" responded Spears. A witness added: "Jessica was really insulted, but Britney refused to let her do it." 

If Britney was worried that Jessica would somehow spread her dumbness into her womb....Kevin's already done that.



Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe took thirty takes to get his first screen kiss right. The 17-year-old actor had his first kiss with Cho Chang, played by 18-year-old Katie Leung, in the latest film 'Order of the Phoenix.' Daniel said: "We probably got it on the 30th take. Me and Katie were awkward and nervous at first but once we got it, it was fine." In response, Katie said, "Daniel is a good kisser. I really enjoyed it.”

So the question is - was that a magic wand in his pocket or was he happy to see her? 
He couldn't of been that good of a kisser. It took 30 takes! (Unless he was faking it so he could do it over and over again....Harry Potter, you little perv!)



Paramount picture bosses have become so infuriated with Tom Cruise they have ended his 14 year production deal. The studio's chairman Sumner Redstone said the reason for the split was the 'Mission: Impossible III' star's public outbursts. He explained, “His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount. As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal." 

Recent conduct? The jumping off the couch on Oprah wasn't a big fat RED flag? Those people at paramount are slow.



Michael Douglas has told Catherine Zeta-Jones that two children is enough. Catherine has always said she wants a big family but Douglas is happy with their children, son Dylan and daughter Carys, and thinks his wife would be just as happy focusing on her work. He revealed, "Catherine has gone back and forth on the subject, but when she gets back into work, I think she realizes two's enough!”

In other words, even with the viagra he doesn't think he can get it up a third time.


Justin Timberlake's mother still misses her son's ex Britney Spears. Justin’s mom, Lynn Harless, has spoken out about how devastated she was when the young couple broke up in March 2002. Lynn admits she is worried about Britney and hates the constant negative reports claiming her marriage is in trouble. She added: "Britney is a sweet girl. I just hate what she's going through now." 

Sean Preston is probably thinking, "Damn! You mean I could of had a daddy with a job, a personality and great abs??"



Paris Hilton's new music video has been deemed too hot for Indian audiences to handle. The country's film classification board has given the 'Stars are Blind' video an 'adult' rating, preventing any of India's television music channels from screening it. Paris' record label EMI said that they edited the video in order to make it more acceptable to censors, but still failed to get the go ahead to broadcast it. 

If India wants to protect their people they should ban her album entirely!



Jessica Alba and 'Good Luck Chuck' co-star Dane Cook became overly energetic in a recent love scene, that she lost a tooth. She explained, “We did all of our love scenes in one day and I chipped a tooth and I lost a tooth, isn`t that disgusting?' she said. 

I have a feeling the LAST word her co-star would use to describe her is digusting. Just a hunch. Do you think anyone would even notice if Jessica had no teeth at all?





MAGAZINE SCANS
 Beyonce in MAXIM Magazine. 

 
 
 Heidi Klum on the German cover of SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.  And exactly what sport is she illustrating? Squeezing into a bikini?

 

Julia Roberts for Gianfranco Ferre.

 

Justin Timberlake in DAZED Magazine.

 

LIFE & STYLE claims Jennifer Aniston is heartbroken yet again. This time her father is very sick and yes, she is still missing Brad.

 

Nelly Furtado in an advert for jewelery.

 

Nelly sucking her finger in an advert for jewelery. Don't swallow your ring!

 

OUT AND ABOUT....
Nicole Richie stealing Lindsay Lohan's stupid peace sign pose.

 

Ashlee Simpson goes clubbing with her new nose.

 

Victoria Beckham leaving dinner so drunk she has to be held up. She probably only had a sip of wine but, everyone knows when you drink you HAVE to eat.

 

A sneak peek of the roof of Angelina and Brad's new house. I wish it was a better angle. Then I could see which window to break into.

 

Speaking of Brangelina.....yet another fake picture of the couple circulating on the internet.

 

Brooke Shields is only smiling at her daughter because the prozak's finally kicked in. (It's about time, the kid's 3!)

 

Colin Farrell on the set of his new movie.

 

Yes, we get it Denise. Not only are you a good mother but, you provide for your family.

 

Drew Barrymore and her boyfriend out and about for take-out.

 

Halle Berry either couldn't decide on a purse or she won the jackpot at Bingo.

 

Kate Winslet looks a little peeved.

 

Does Kirsten Dunst know that she has a vacuum in her skirt?

 

Lindsay Lohan needs a stylist - STAT!

 

Matthew McConnaughy and his new best friend Lance Armstrong are spending a lot of time together. And half naked to boot. But, I don't want to start any rumors....

 

Mischa Barton and her little puppy dog.

 

Nicole Kidman and her bodyguard.

 

 Owen Wilson showed up at a YOU, ME AND DUPREE premiere without his lovely co-star Kate Hudson. Apparently she was a no-show. This comes right after him vehemently denying he is the reason her marriage broke up. Hmmm... Interesting.

 

Pamela and Kid Rock in Malibu. They threw a barbecue for their friends and rumor has it they got married again. What is that - the 4,527,571th time??? Holy crap how many times can you register for gifts? They must have 746 toasters by now.

 

Paris Hilton and one of her fans in Tokyo. I have a sneaking suspicion her fan's hair is not really blonde.

 

Somebody better tell Penelope to save some mascara for the rest of us! Make up hog!

 

Usher is currently starring in the musical hit CHICAGO.

 

Tara Reid wearing a t-shirt that reads, "YOU WERE NEVER MY BOYFRIEND"
What it doesn't say is "I WOULDN'T REMEMBER IF YOU WERE ANYWAYS. DID WE DO IT?"





August 23rd, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 266

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Heidi Klum wants "a lot" of children. The supermodel, who is expecting her second child with husband, Seal told People magazine: "We want to have a lot of children. Seal always says that he finds me the most beautiful when I'm pregnant." 

The question is will he still think she is beautiful when she's yelling, sweating, cursing at him and grabbing his testicles in the delivery room?



Britney Spears wants to be buried with her dog. She is so devoted to her pet pooch Lucky, she wants to follow the example of the ancient Egyptians and be buried with her mutt. She said: "You know how the Pharaohs used to get buried with things they loved? I want to do that with Lucky. She should be laid to rest with me when the time comes." 

Just so you know....the last time Britney was seen with Lucky - she wasn't pregnant and still looked hot. Does that tell you anything??
I can certainly understand Britney choosing the dog over Kevin but what about Sean Preston?? And how ironic....the dog's name is "Lucky". Poor thing. Couldn't be farther from the truth!



Pete Doherty's mom believes Kate Moss and her son are in love. The singer and the supermodel recently rekindled their romance and Pete has even vowed to give up drugs for Kate.Pete's mother who has only met Kate once - insists their feelings for each other are genuine. She said, "I think everyone should leave them alone. They've been deeply in love and people just won't leave them alone." 

His mother is so deep in denial. The only ecstasy this couple shares comes in the form of a little white pill.



David and Victoria Beckham are set to unveil their new signature scents for men and women. A blend of grapefruit zest, bergamot and cardamom were used in the men's fragrance while a statement announcing the new fragrance promised the women's line would reveal "the essence of Victoria known only to the people closest to her." 

Translation: Victoria's scent is mixture of a fake orange glow, pieces of dead hair, skinny flowers and a hint of desperation.



And for those of you who thought I neglected to post a picture of David while I had the chance....
Don't ever doubt me!




According to Osama Bin Laden's former sex slave Kola Boof, the terrorist has an obsession with Whitney Houston. Kola revealed to Harpers Bazaar magazine: "He told me Whitney was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He said that he had a paramount desire for her and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting." 

Osama must of misunderstood when he heard Whitney likes to get "bombed"



Owen Wilson denies he is dating Kate Hudson. He has hired a lawyer to start waving legal proceedings at anyone who suggests Kate's recent split from her husband was because of him. A spokesperson for Owen said, "Anything that suggests that the separation of Ms Hudson was caused by Mr Wilson... is absolutely false." 

Somebody better tell Kate that!



MAGAZINE SCANS 
 Kate Hudson on the cover of FLARE.

 
 
 Lord help us. Jessica Simpson and her gay bestfriend/hairdresser Ken Paves have come out with their own line of hair extensions.
 
 

OUT AND ABOUT

Kirsten Dunst gives the paparrazzi a piece of her mind.
 
 

Lindsay Lohan dances as one of her implants explodes. Or maybe she's just sweating from her breasts. Either way...pretty nasty stuff.

 

Andre 3000 and Big Boi of Outkast make a grand entrance.

 

She was a scooter girl, she said see ya later girl, 
now she's a superstar, slammin on her guitar......


 

Brad Pitt arriving for work at the set of OCEAN'S 13.

 

George Clooney and Brad hang out on set.

 

Matt Damon arrives on set of OCEAN'S 13 also. The hair and make up people on this movie shoot have horseshoes up their ass.

 

Debra Messing takes her son Roman for a backwards stroll.

 

Britney is 8 months pregnant. Don't you think she should start wearing maternity clothes now???

 

Jessica Alba hangs out with Wilmer Valderamma a.k.a FEZ.

 

Kate Hudson's son Ryder is going to need therapy by the time he's 8 and it has nothing to do with his parent's pending divorce.

 

Kathy Griffith does a pole dance.

 

Nick and Vanessa at the airport. Was Nick drafted or something? What's with the pants?

 

Nicole Richie. Yep, she's there...but, she's turned sideways so you really really have to squint.

 

Paris Hilton on the outside of a truck. She's usually in the inside and in the back....

 

Carey and wife Pink walk their three dogs. I don't see any poop bags though. Tsk tsk....Shame on them. Unless they are planning on throwing the crap on Paris's lawn then WAY TO GO!!



August 22nd, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 265

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Ashton Kutcher claims he and wife Demi Moore have a strong relationship because they never argue. He revealed to Parade Magazine that the couple talk through their problems. He explained, "We have frustrations, like every relationship. It's just the way we deal with them."

In other words.... it's hard to fight when you are naked and trying to keep your balance.



Paris Hilton is bragging about her new album. She told BLENDER Magazine, "People go crazy. They love it. I love it too. I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."

I, like, barf whenever anything comes out of this woman's mouth. She needs a big fat slice of humble pie!



Jesse Metcalfe who plays the sexy gardener on 'Desperate Housewives' - had to wear a red lace thong for his new film 'John Tucker Must Die' and admits he didn't find it uncomfortable. He said: "It was fun, physical and a very liberating scene to shoot."

I have never thought the sight of a man in a red lace thong would do anything for me. That is, until NOW.



Scarlett Johansson hates going to the dentist. She needs to have her wisdom teeth removed but is too afraid to have the painful procedure.She said: "I hear it's painful and horrible. Every time a dentist tells me I have to get them removed, I just change and get a new one!"

Don't worry Scarlett. Nobody's looking at your teeth.



Penelope Cruz doesn't feel under pressure to be thin, because she isn't American.The spanish actress is comfortable with her curvy body. She revealed, "I'm European and feel none of the pressure Hollywood stars do to be super thin." She also does not bother to look glamorous when she's not working. She said: "I spend so much time getting mad up for work, when I get home I'm just like a monkey!"

If this is what a monkey looks like then men everywhere will want to be bananas. (Most of them are already anyways...lol)



Kevin Federline performed his first live performance yesterday at the Teens' Choice Awards.A pregnant Britney delighted fans as she came on stage to introduce her "man", who closed the show with his song, Lose Control. Bursting out of a baby doll dress, Britney announced, "Please give a big welcome to my man, Kevin Federline," adding that the show had been good to her in the past and she hoped it would be as good to him.

I don't know if any of you witnessed his performance. It was his first and believe me....his last. He sucks!! In fact he makes Paris Hilton look talented if that tells you anything. Here's a photo from his performance last night. He's being so original and grabbing his crotch while he raps....and if his crotch is hanging that low then I finally understand what Britney sees in him.



Britney could not be reached for comment on what she thought of her hubby's first performance but, trust me....I think I have captured her thoughts here....



In Touch Weekly is reporting that Brad Pitt spent months begging Angelina to marry him, but now that he has finally given up. Just as Angelina has had a change of heart. A source told the Magazine, "Brad is worn him out emotionally. Now he's the one that's not interested in tying the knot." 

Holy crap what a stupid story. They are both adults. If they want to get married, they'll get married!



MAGAZINE SCANS....
Heidi Klum hams it up for LIFE Magazine.



Courteney Cox for C Magazine.




Ashton Kutcher in DETAILS.



Jamie Pressley



A promo for the new season of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES.

 

Angelina Jolie for SHISHEIDO.

 

David and Victoria Beckham in an advertisement for new his and her "BECKHAM" fragrances. Somebody's obviously had some photoshoppe magic added to their ass here and I'll give you a hint. It wasn't David. He wouldn't of needed it.



OUT AND ABOUT....
Madonna and hubby Guy leaving her birthday party last week.



Angelina back in her pilot's seat again.



David Charvet (Ex Baywatch) is engaged to Brooke Burke (of Rockstar Supernova) and the two are expecting a baby. She has two from a previous marriage already.

 

TEEN CHOICE AWARDS....
Britney introducing her dead beat husband Sunday night on the Teen Choice Awards. This was the only place it made sense that he perform. No self respecting adult would of watched this. (Well, except for me but, I had to. Blog research. The things I subject myself to for you people.)



 

Jessica Simpson hosted the show and went up on stage with Kevin after his attempt at rapping. These two should sing a duet together. They could call it dumb-ass. She's dumb and he's an ass.

 

Jessica Alba relaxes backstage.

 

Johnny Depp got a standing ovation!! The teenage girls went wild and screamed so loud you couldn't even hear what he was saying.
 

Jessica Simpson tried to be funny by wearing fake bling on her teeth. No, it didn't work. She just ended up stumbling over her words and almost swallowed the fake teeth!

 

Nelly Furtado stands beside Jessica Simpson and makes her look like a boy in comparison. Portuguese women have that affect. I bet even Jennifer Lopez was in hiding.



Ok, ok, we get it. Denise Richards is a good mother. Yeah, yeah.

 

Elisha Cuthbert doesn't need to check in her makeup bag at this hotel. She looks really fresh and natural without any!!

 

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas is a princess as she signs autographs.

 

Someone PLEASE PLEASE Tell Hulk Hogan that men should NEVER EVER wear speedos! Well, except for phenominal freaks of nature like David Beckham or Brad Pitt.




Jennifer Garner on set of her new movie with Baby Violet in the red bonnet!




Kate Hudson and soon to be ex husband Chris Robinson out with their son/daughter/son Ryder for the first time since announcing their split.



Kiera Knightley out with her mom who looks exactly like Kiera except for the long gray hair.



Lance Bass out with his partner. I wonder if he's always the one who bends over. If you know what I mean.



Mary Kate Olsen leaving a store. She really needs to go see a stylist.



Matthew McConnaughy and his dog go for a hike.



Ricky Martin wants you.

You wish.



Tara Reid checks to make sure her implants are still intact.



I know I'm no teen but, he would of been my choice! Wentworth Miller makes an appearance at the award show. PRISON BREAK Second season was on Monday Aug 21st at 8pm.......hope you didn't miss it! It was great!


August 21st, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 264

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Britney Spears, who is expecting her second baby, can't wait to give birth to so she can get back into shape. She said: "I feel like I've been pregnant for 10 years!"She added: "I'm so excited to sweat like I used to and about getting my body back and getting a routine scheduled. I'm definitely going to start working out in a huge way." 

Yeah - good luck with that Britney. Truth is she can hire a personal chef, trainer and dietician to get her body back but, does she have any money left?
In case you forgot what Brit's body once looked like. Here it is.




Nicole Richie revealed to Us Weekly Magazine that she confronted a paparazzo who shouted insults at her while she was shopping with a pal. It was reported that the photographer shouted: "Nicole, you look disgusting. Gain some f***ing weight!"Nicole explained that the attack left her in tears and told the mag: "You don't scream at people that are overweight, so what makes people think that they have the right to scream at me that I am underweight? It's upsetting and mean. I am not anorexic.” 

Nicole, even by Ethiopian standards... you are anorexic!!!



Justin Timberlake can't make love if music is playing in the background. He told Britain's Dazed and Confused magazine: "I have trouble having sex to music because I'll start picking out the chords."  

Cameron Diaz must want to crawl under a rock right now. Or maybe she doesn't mind as long as she gets to pick Justin's coduroys??


Beyonce insists she feels "sick" with jealousy whenever she hears a great track by a rival artist.She says, "When I hear a great new record, especially when it's by someone that I respect and admire, then a part of me is like, 'Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I make that record?' "It makes you sick but in a way it can be a great thing. It makes you want to go back to the lab and start writing again. Maybe it will inspire you to work a little harder" 

Or ...you could just wear a micro mini dress and girate your thighs and hope nobody notices the song sucks.


Paris Hilton loves to shop and has bought so many pairs of shoes she doesn't know what to do with them all. She told Britain's Now magazine: "I'm passionate about shoes. I have so many pairs its ridiculous. In fact, I probably have over a thousand pairs and now my whole house is like one giant closet because I just put them wherever they'll fit." 

I wonder if she does the same thing with her ever-growing penis collection.



Jennifer Aniston is helping Kate Hudson through her marriage split. Jennifer who was left devastated after her divorce from Brad Pitt - has promised to support Kate following her split from rocker Chris Robinson. The two stars bumped into each other at Los Angeles airport and Jennifer gave Kate a consoling hug, telling her to get in touch if she ever needed a chat. A source said: "The actresses hugged as Kate broke down in tears. Jennifer offered her support as soon as she heard that Kate and Chris' marriage was over." 

Does Jennifer realize that Kate has left Chris for her movie co-star Owen Wilson? Doesn't this make Jennifer a hypocrite of sorts?



Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are packing up and leaving their beachfront property in Malibu. It is believed that the couple are leaving Malibu for Los Angeles' trendy neighbourhood Los Feliz. Brad wants to make Los Feliz the family's permanent home. Brad's turned the new property into a Neverland-like place. A source told American publication Us Weekly. 'It's meant to be a kids' paradise, where they can just run wild.' 

I hope this means that Brad plans on having Neverland-type sleepovers with adult women. Bring on the jesus juice!

 

Denise Richards reportedly jumped at the chance to have a relationship with Richie Sambora because good men are "so hard to find." She told Harper's Bazaar, "I couldn't pass it up. I know how hard it is to meet that great guy." Denise insists that Sambora was already separated from estranged wife Heather Locklear, who was a former friend of Denise’s, before the two became romantic. Denise maintains she had not spoken to Locklear for months before she got together with Sambora, "If I was still friends with Heather, I wouldn't have crossed that line."
 

In other words Denise is not only a backstabbing friend but, she is also too lazy to go and find a man of her own. I give it another six months. And I am being VERY generous.



MAGAZINE SCANS

Angelina in another print ad.



Avril Lavigne all dolled up for NYLON Magazine.

 

Beyonce looks stunning as usual.

 

Handsome Clive Owens for GQ Magazine.



Hugh Laurie of HOUSE dons the cover of Entertainment Magazine.



Drew Barrymore featured in IN STYLE Magazine.



Eva Longoria for MAXIM Magazine.




OUT AND ABOUT....
 
Lindsay Lohan struts her stuff on the beach. Those can't be real. I don't care what she says.



Jordan and wife Christina out and about. They look tired or bored. Maybe the honeymoon is over?

 

Christina Ricci's tattoos beg us to read her hips.



Courteney Cox and baby Coco.




Courtney Love and her daughter Francis Bean.



Halle Berry's boyfriend Gabriel keeps his hand on the prize.



Jennifer Aniston doesn't want to be photographed. But, she'll tell the world her problems every chance she gets. Sheesh.

 

JK Rowling otherwise known as the Harry Potter author frolicks in the ocean.

 

Kate Hudson checks her cell phone.



Kate Beckinsdale towels off.



Kevin Federline off to cash another one of Britney's cheques. Snicker snicker...



Only biglips Lisa Rinna could suckle two big fat glasses of iced tea at once.



Madonna leaving the gym. Why doesn't she just live there? She spends all her time there!

 

Mark Ruffalo looking hot.



Britney waves to the paparrazzi.



Is that a hickey on her boob? Let's look on the bright side. She can't get pregnant again while she's pregnant.



Nicole Richie out for lunch with some guy. Notice how there is no actual lunch.



Pink out and about.

 

Katie and Tom walk to their car. I wonder if they have seen Suri??

 

August 18th, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 263

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Beyonce Knowles lost 6 kilos in 10 days on a maple syrup diet, which involved drinking a combination of maple syrup, lemon juice, water and cayenne pepper up to 10 times a day. Health food shops have reported massive rises in the sale of the Madal Bal brand of maple syrup on which the diet is based. Beyonce who has now gained the weight back insists "I'm very happy with my curves" and has warned women to eat sensibly, despite using the diet to lose weight for her role in the movie Dreamgirls. 

Why do I have a feeling that Nicole Richie is guzzling a bottle of maple syrup as we speak? She may as well, she's already flat as a pancake.



According to Pam Anderson's website, Pam and Kid Rock were married a third time! Here are Pam's very own wedding words: "Marriage Number 3! Nashville tootsies. In front of the coolest crowd. Bobby's singing ! Sweet Home Alabama"
Their first wedding was in France and the second was in Beverly Hills.

When they say Hollywood stars get married a lot they don't usually mean with the same person. Maybe Pamela's on to something here....if they get married once a week they will be too distracted to get a divorce. This relationship may actually work.



According to Us Weekly magazine - Kate Hudson is seeing her "You, Me And Dupree" co-star Owen Wilson. A source told the magazine: "This is not a fling. Kate is crazy about him. Owen gives her so much attention, and she loves it!" Kate and her hubby Chris, who is frontman for The Black Crowes, split after six years of marriage, but we've not heard why.

I think we know the reason now.



Kevin Federline is "almost broke" but refuses to take money from wife Britney Spears. The wannabe rapper made a reported $1 million from the reality TV show 'Britney and Kevin: Chaotic' - but blew it all on Britney's engagement ring and a recording studio in their Malibu home. Kevin told GQ magazine: "I don't get any money from my wife. I'm almost broke. As a man, as a male figure and a father, I wouldn't be happy sitting back and living off my wife's fortune." 

He's been happy doing it thus far...Maybe with the sales of his new cd he could take the family to McDonald's for dinner.



Christina Aguilera has given up junk food because she is paranoid she will have a heart attack. The self-confessed junk food addict insists she only eats it very rarely she is too worried about the health implications of munching on it. She told TV Hits magazine: "I am a junk food lover but I've had to curb that quite a bit since I'm not a teenager any more. I think it's important to take care of yourself, especially as a woman." 

She cut out junkfood but, still likes a weiner every now and then.



Justin Timberlake has refused to let Lindsay Lohan come to an exclusive gig to promote his new album
The exclusive showcase of his album will take place this weekend. Lindsay's people put in a call to get tickets for the event, but were reportedly told that the singer did not want his name associated with her. A source said, "Justin's gig will be packed with important names in music," a source told the paper.The last thing his label want is Lindsay getting hammered and making a spectacle of herself, taking attention away from Justin and his new album." 

I can't imagine why Justin's so paranoid.



Jennifer Aniston is NOT engaged to Vince Vaughn. She fumed to People magazine: "People are getting fed a lot of bull."I'm not engaged and I don't have a ring and I haven't been proposed to." 

And no....she's not bitter.



MAGAZINE SCANS
OK! Magazine claims that Jen and Vince have baby joy? What baby? What joy? They are broken up!
Also Pammy and Kid are feuding with Tommy. Well, I heard he's a big dick. Or maybe it's that he has....never mind.



IN TOUCH Magazine claims they have the truth about Tom and Katie's baby. What truth would that be - that her parents are kooks?



LIFE & STYLE Magazine suggests that Brad is still in love with Jennifer. I would assume if he was he'd still be there. He's not. So let's move on shall we?



US WEEKLY is about Kate and Owen's supposed affair.



PEOPLE Magazine features Britney and Sean Preston.



Inside the magazine Britney claims her pregnancy "just happened" WTF does that mean? Kevin accidentally fell on top of her when he was naked? Give me a break.



Hugh Laurie (from the hit show HOUSE) featured in IN STYLE Magazine.



For the boys....MAXIM Magazine has Eva Longoria as a cover girl.



BLENDER Magazine must be desperate this month. They have a half naked Paris Hilton on the cover. Who hasn't already seen her like this? That's what I wanna know.



Kirsten Durst channels Marie Antoniette for VOGUE.



Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas new single. "London Bridge"



Jennifer Lopez has yet another perfume out on the market. This is her third. Man, she must stink.




OUT AND ABOUT...
Kate Hudson and her daughter, um, I mean son who is going to get beat up in kindergarten. By the girls.



Sarah Michelle Gellar looks less than thrilled to be a bridesmaid.



When Sean Preston attacks........Take that mom!



Paris where she's at her best. In the back seat.



Denise Richards and her daughter Sam.



Gwyneth Paltrow shields Moses from the crowd. Notice how all the celeb moms are copying the Angelina Jolie/Zahara pose?



Heather Locklear looks like she just got out of bed. Probably David Spade's.



Heath Ledger and girlfriend Michelle practice synchronized fingering with the paparrazzi. I give them an 8.5!!



Jennifer Love-Hewitt loves gossip! I think all celebrities do unless it's about them.



Jessica Biels bum has everyone on the internet chatting. Move over J-Lo and make room for bodacious Jessica! People are fascinated by her booty.



Kate Beckinsdale knows squat.



Katie without Tom. Why the hell isn't she running? I guess he's holding Suri hostage until Kate comes back.



Jessica Simpson on the set of her new movie with her doggie Daisy.



I'm so glad..........It's Brad.



Madonna celebrated her 48th birthday on August 16th with her hubby and friends such as Gwyneth Paltrow and Stella McCartney.



Rumor has it Pamela Anderson is not only barefoot....but, she's pregnant too.



Pregnant Jenny Garth (ex Kelly from 90210) shops at an IKEA like store. Does she realize her daughter is sprawled out on the cart?



Christina sizzles in red and white.



David and Victoria Beckham at the airport. Poor things....always travelling.



VCR ALERT! Monday August 21st is the season two premiere of PRISON BREAK!!



We've missed you Scofield.



August 15th, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 262

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Madonna has decided to give up on her aspirations to continue acting after overwhelming criticism of her efforts in the field. She said, "I hate to admit it, but I've decided to give that up. How can any film survive if everyone says it's going to be a flop from the very day the project is even conceived? It's already dead in the water." 

Speaking of dead in the water, I want my money back for "Swept Away"  (And I didn't even see it in the theatre, I rented it) They weren't kidding when they said it was BAD! Glad to hear Madge is going to stick to just singing.                                                            

 

Actress Kate Hudson and her husband, Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson, are splitting, PEOPLE has learned exclusively. A rep for the "You, Me and Dupree" star confirms that the couple are separating after nearly six years of marriage. 

Six years in a Hollywood marriage is a LONG time.



Angelina Jolie is adamant that her children will grow up outside of the Hollywood bubble and see the world as it really is. A close friend of Jolie's told the Sunday Express: 'If Brad wants to keep hold of his family, he is going to have to learn to be careful about how he treats Angie.' The friend went on to say that Angelina is 'not the home-body' and wants her children to grow up as 'citizens of the world'. 

And I am sure whatever Angelina wants, Angelina gets.



Tom Cruise and girlfriend Katie helped out a couple in a car crash. People Magazine reports that the couple were on their way home from the airport after when they saw a car accident. They stopped to check to make sure the passengers were not seriously injured, then waited with them until the police and fire department showed up on the scene. 

This whole thing was probably staged to give the eerie couple some good press and make everyone stop wondering for even a brief moment where invisible baby Suri is.



Lindsay Lohan has a stalker. According to reports, a man has been sending bunches of flowers to the star on the set of her new movie 'Georgia Rule'. A memo has been posted on the gate where the film is being made which reads: "One of our actresses has a stalker." The alert comes just weeks after Lindsay revealed she had a fan who was pursuing her. 

Stalker? Ha ha ha. She wishes! I guarantee you by next week there will be paparrazzi pictures of Lindsay buying dozens and dozens and dozens of flowers....



Christina Aguilera has turned down an offer to have her own reality show based on her marriage to music executive Jordan Bratman. Christina has no plans to follow in the footsteps of pop rivals Jessica and Britney Spears - who starred with husband Kevin Federline in 'Britney and Kevin: Chaotic' and make her private life public. She told MTV: "Our relationship is very private and special and sacred to me." 

Nobody would want to watch it anyways. This couple is still way too happy. How boring.



Supermodels Heidi Klum and Elle Mcpherson have entered into a bitter dispute over a nickname. Heidi has just announced the launch of her new lingerie range with Victoria's Secret called 'The Body' a nickname that Elle has been using for her 20-year career. Both parties are now adamant that they can prove that the trademark moniker is in fact theirs. The creative director for Victoria's Secret claims that they have press clippings which reveal that Heidi has been called 'The Body' for over ten years. However, Elle's spokeswoman Melissa Edwards is determined to proved that Mcpherson is the nickname's rightful owner. 

Hmm...let's compare. Here's Heidi Klum



And here's Elle McPherson. I would say it's a draw.



Madonna was almost forced to cancel one of her London performances last week because builders working near her house were keeping her awake. The usually energetic Material Girl surprised fans at one of her 'Confessions' tour shows last week when she revealed that she had only got three hours sleep the night because there were builders working on houses either side of her London residence. 

Boy, Madonna has really changed! Ten years ago she would of been tired from sleeping with the construction crew!!



MAGAZINE SCANS....
OK! Magazine says Katie is begging Angelina to be her friend. Now, that I believe!!

 

LIFE & STYLE has a story about a new diet pill all the celebrities are on. As if they even eat!



In Touch Magazine claims Jessica Simpson is jealous of her sister Ashlee. The question is - does she know why?



U.K Tabloid has photos of a drunken Prince Harry grabbing a girl's breasts while his drunken brother Prince William is in the background.



Gwyneth Paltrow and her dog for HARPERS BAZAAR. (Her dog is on the left)



Christina in a promo for her new album "Back to Basics"



OUT AND ABOUT...
Madonna and hubby Guy out and about.

 

 David and Victoria Beckham

 

Beyonce shows why she is bootylicious.

 

Boy George doing community service.

 

Brad Pitt on his way to the set of OCEAN'S 13.

 

Brad, Matt Damon and George Clooney on set.



This is really cute. Britney teaching Sean manners.

 

Cameron Diaz takes her big, mean looking dog for a walk.

 

Eva Longoria munches on some Apple Jacks. I wonder what the prize was?

 

Halle Berry and boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey.

 

Jessica still not getting that her best friend hairdresser prefers penis.

 

Julia Roberts getting in her car.

 

Tom and Katie at the scene of that staged accident.

 

Lance Bass out with his boyfriend. A lot easier since he came "out"

 

Nicole Richie thankfully eating a piece of pizza.

 

Nicollette Sheridan (on the right) goes for a walk on the beach with a friend.

 

Mr and Mrs Kid Rock take the kids to register for school. She has two, he has one.

 

Penelope Cruz on a Cruise.

 

Pink and her groovy new hair cut.

 

August 14th, 2006

Celebrity WTF'S Volume 261

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Celebrity WTF'S are back! I took a small hiatus and trust me - it doesn't look like we missed much in Celeb Land. Without further ado, here it is....

Paris Hilton was bitten by her racoon-like pet Baby Luv. Paris was playing with the exotic pet when the animal became agitated. It bit her arm. The heiress was not badly hurt but did visit a hospital emergency room to receive a tetanus shot. 

I am sure she's no stranger to bites or tentanus shots for that matter. (I've seen her ex-boyfriends) I hope Paris gets a pet scorpion next.



Jennifer Garner, as she had to be rushed to hospital last week. She was on set filming a new movie "The Kingdom" in the desert heat when she passed out. She was taken straight off to hospital, and was joined by concerned hubby Ben Affleck. The soaring temperatures and dry heat were blamed for her collapse. 

So it really is true! Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.



Jordan has been wearing the wrong size bra. She was recently measured up and was shocked to find out how big she really is. All this time she thought her implants were a DD when in fact they are a staggering G. Jordan said, "I know I've got big boobs but I never realized they were that big. It just shows you how a good-fitting bra makes all the difference and I didn't even need to get another boob job." 

Another boob job? Between Jordan and Victoria Beckham is there any silicone left in Britain???



Angelina Jolie and Gwen Stefani are swapping weight loss tips. . A source told America's Life&Style magazine: "The two of them are often on the phone comparing their weight losses. Angie prefers to work out more than Gwen, but they both agree that healthy eating is of the utmost importance."

Ofcourse Angelina would choose excercise.....look who she's married to! Physical excertion would be my choice also!



Nicole Richie threw up in front of a crowd at a nightclub on the weekend. An eyewitnesses reported, "Nicole puked right on the floor, like right in the middle of the club, everyone saw! But I guess she didn't care. She kept partying." Apparently Nicole had several shots of tequila and then ate the worm that was in the bottle. 

Hey, give the girl some credit. Even though it was a worm....she ate something! Baby steps Nicole...baby steps.



Lindsay Lohan admitted to ELLE Magazine that she will only have sex with men who can be faithful to her. She added: "My mom's going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But if I'm going to give my body to someone, I'd rather them not be with other people. I love having a variety of partners. think everyone does, especially at my age. I mean, if the sex is bad, the relationship's not going anywhere." 

And although they were not available for comment, I am sure her "variety of partners" would tell you they would prefer if Lindsay had her face covered.



The Pussycat Dolls have angered Malaysian officials with their raunchy show. The saucygirl band performed in the Southeast Asian country last month and locals were outraged by their revealing outfits and suggestive lyrics.Cultural minister Rais Yatim: "I believe the way the Pussycat Dolls behaved on stage amounted to gross indecency. They reportedly put on a show which not only featured scantily-dressed performers but also included sexually suggestive routines on stage." 

What did the Malaysian minister think "Pussycat Dolls" was? A Disney troupe? Give me a break. This coming from a country where you can buy a child prostitute for $250. (Saw that on Dateline)




Christina Aguilera told a British TV show that she love women. She explained, "I think the female body is really beautiful and sometimes I think the sight of a female nude body can be more attractive than a male's - but that's just me." When asked if there was a particular woman she would like to get down and dirty with, the singer admitted, "Halle Berry is a very beautiful woman, but I'm not saying yes or no." Christina also said that her husband, music executive Jason Bratman, does not mind her same-sex urges. 

But, ofcourse he does!



Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline are reportedly set to renew their wedding vows. The couple are said to be planning to walk down the aisle again after the birth of their second child in October.A source told America's In Touch Weekly magazine: "Britney wants to show the world that she is happily married." 

Give it up Britney. We didn't buy you were happy the first time you did it.


Tom Cruise has invited Victoria and David Beckham to meet baby Suri. However, there is a list of of instructions of how to behave around their daughter. A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Apparently they can't take any photographic equipment, they're banned from touching Suri and they're not allowed to do any baby-talk around her."

How ever will Victoria cope without photography equipment around. This just proves Tom Cruise is warped. Who in their right mind would ban David Beckham from touching anything???



Dave Navarro is reportedly dating porn superstar Jenna Jameson - just weeks after splitting from his wife Carmen Electra.The rocker and the former 'Baywatch' babe recently announced they were "amicably separating" for reasons they are yet to reveal. 

What reasons do we need? Obviously Dave was not satisfied with the beautiful Carmen and needed to be fulfilled by a porn star. This relationship might actually last. They both love showing off their bodies. Talk about pressure though.....Jenna's slept with more women than Dave has.



MAGAZINE SCANS

 Beyonce on the cover of ESSENCE

 

Christina on ALLURE.

 

Christina also on the cover of the Rolling Stone. She looks like a 50's pinup girl.

 

The cd cover for Justin's new release.

 

Yet another cd photo of Jessica Simpson's new album.

 

ESQUIRE Magazine chooses Heidi Klum to grace the cover this month.

 

US WEEKLY says Vince proposed and Jen accepted. Who cares?

 

OUT AND ABOUT...
Rapper fifty cent poses with a weapon, um, I mean a golf club. FORE!!

 

Mama Stefani and cutie Baby Kingston go to the recording studio.

 

Brad Pitt and George Clooney on the set of OCEAN'S 13

 

Cameron Diaz out and about.

 

Britney and Sean Preston seem in a hurry.

 

Denise Richards yet again...playing with her girls.

 

Eva Longoria and her doggie Jinx.

 

Heidi Klum is glowing on the morning show.

 

Jennifer Lopez's dress is gorgeous except for that white ribbon coming out of her butt.....or is that toilet paper?? WTF?

 

Jessica Simpson goes clubbing with her gay hairdresser buddy. To this day I bet the dumb blonde is wondering why he hasn't hit on her!

 

Jodie Foster doesn't think too highly of the paparrazzi.

 

Justin Timberlake and his mesmerized fans.

 

Kelly Osbourne and her shopping bags.

 

Kevin Federline fills up his tank with his wife's credit card.

 

Meanwhile Britney out for a stroll. I think she looks good here. When I say good I mean better than usual.

 

Lindsay Lohan makes a boob of herself opening the car door. If you don't know what I mean, click the photo to enlarge.

 

Madonna uses her chest as an advertising billboard.

 

Mariah Carey uses her chest as a distraction so you don't look at her freshly botoxed foredhead.

 

Nick Lachey enjoying a nice day.

 

Nicole Richie and an unidentified male friend enter the nightclub where she later threw up.

 

Paris is now hanging out with Jenna Jameson....except Jenna has WAY more to hang out with.

 

Prince William looks fine in his cadet uniform.

 

Speaking of men in uniform....Ryan Phillippe on the set of his new movie.

 

Men usually in uniform...well a prison uniform...Wentworth Miller poses with a fan. Lucky Bit%$!

 

Rod Stewart props girlfriend Penny up on his knee while another man hold's Rod's baby. Rod's getting confused in his old age I guess.

August 8th, 2006

Newlywed Pamela Anderson phoned into American Idol host Ryan Seacrest's daily radio breakfast show on Friday, insisting, "I've never been happier." And when Seacrest asked about the couple's plans to extend their family and have a child together, Pam giggled, "There might be one in there now." 

Not that she would remember after all that champagne she chugged at her wedding. One thing's for sure, she wants to have a little girl and I suspect she is praying it looks like her!!



Jennifer Lopez allegedly quit the 'Dallas' movie because she didn't want to work with John Travolta. J-Lo was set to play J.R. Ewing's troubled wife Sue Ellen in the drama but turned her back on the project last week. Sources say that Lopez hated the script and wasn't happy that Travolta had been handed the role of her on-screen husband. 

Who would not want to work with John Travolta? What is wrong with Jennifer? I guess he's not the one that she wants...the one, the one she wants.....ooh ooh ooh - honey....

 

Jennifer's probably not used to working with stalky men. After all her husband is thinner than friggin Olive Oyl of popeye!



Patrick Swayze has defended close friend Mel Gibson. Patrick spoke out in support of Mel, who admitted making "vicious" comments about Jews after being arrested for drunk-driving last week. Patrick said, "I feel bad for Mel, he's a wonderful human being and he is not anti-Semitic. He should be allowed to have a stupid moment." 

I thought Passion of the Christ was Mel's stupid moment. I will never get those three and a half hours back.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow is considering surgery to help fix her post-baby figure. The actress gave birth to her second child, son Moses, four months ago but is worried about the effect motherhood has had on her figure. Gwyneth told an old friend: "My stomach is rippling, my breasts don't feel good. I've been trying to work out. I want to do something about it." 

This is payback for her making fun of fat people in Shallow Hal. She thought it was funny then....well, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW lady???



Paris Hilton claims her male friends are all attracted to her mother. She said: "My mom is so hot. All my guy friends love her and want her." 

Before any of you think it's because her mother is classy - think again. This is her with her nipples popping out at some party. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?



Christina Aguilera admitted she is so in love with her husband she cries when she thinks about him. She explained, "I've never been so in love, so happy or felt so alive. I start to cry when I think of everything he has brought into my life. It still feels overwhelming to have married that one person who I completely love and adore."

Just wait until he leaves toothpaste scum in the sink, doesn't flush the toilet and clips his toenails at night. We'll see if she still feels the same way.



Angelina and Brad are sleeping in separate bedrooms because of their crying baby. Shiloh Nouvel, is apparently not sleeping through the night, so Brad has moved into the spare room to get his sleep. Angelina is said to be happy to put up with the sleepless nights because she wants to be near Shiloh. 

Yeah but, let's face it - in the middle of the night these two sneak off and do it all over the kitchen.

 

If Angelina can keep away from this all night then she doesn't deserve him!

 

Britney Spears is having crazy cravings. A friend of the star is quoted by Britain's The Sun newspaper as saying: "Britney is trying hard to eat healthily with this pregnancy but she's getting cravings for weird food. She munches through packs of baby biscuits, Cheetos crisps, fried chicken and even soil." 

Soil? WTF??? Does Kevin know she's eating his marijuana plants?



Victoria Beckham is trying to fatten up in order to help conceive a fourth child with her husband David. It seems hubby has ordered his wife to start a new carbohydrate-laden diet to ensure she puts on weight. Under the new eating plan, Victoria will stop her usual diet of sushi and steamed vegetables in favour of carbohydrate-fuelled foods such as bread, pasta and even chips. 

The things a girl will do to pro-create with David Beckham.....



She may be nearly 40, but Nicole Kidman would be Hugh Hefner's top pick of Australians to feature in international men's mag Playboy. He said, "She's bewitching and the vision of her with a cigarette in one hand and her knickers in the other has been a fantasy of mine for months." 

Typical man. Hugh lives in a mansion full of blonde barbies with massive breasts and he's fantasizing about a redheaded twig?
Men are never satisfied are they?



MAGAZINE SCANS....
NEW WOMAN Magazine has Jordan on the cover. Good choice. With all that silicone she really is a new woman.

 

A scan of Prince Harry playing polo. Not sure why his pants are undone but, hey who's complaining?




OUT AND ABOUT....
Christie Brinkley out and about looking fantastic. She is in her 50's people!

 

Denise Richards and Richie Sambora poolside. He already looks bored with her. He gives love a bad name...



Nicole Richie has a bite. Literally.



Shakira always manages to look seductive without trying.



Sheryl Crow hanging out with Courtney Cox. Poor Courtney, just got done listening to Jennifer about Brad now Sheryl about Lance....

 

Tommy Lee shows off his big.............motorcycle.

 

Does Mariah have to stick her finger in her ear like that in order to reach a high note?? What happens if she doesn't?? And if she doesn't wear lingerie does it affect her performance? I'm just saying....

 

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